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Sex in Western Culture

The hypocrisy of Western Modern culture is amazing! We need to realize that Islam began as something strange, and will end as something strange, so we need not worry what people think of us; rather, we need to be people that respect and fear Allah (سبحانه وتعال), and the creation of Allah (the people) come second.

Legal marriage age is 16? 18? but:
It's okay for 14-year-old teens to have sex , and their parents having no idea about it, and it's with someone they may not approve of, and the person may not have their son or daughter's best interest at heart. But when she gets pregnant, or he or she gets HIV and doesn't even realize it, and spreads it, they are condemned for it...

Sex is blatantly promoted in our culture through newspaper, television, movies, music ...
It is illegal to have more than one wife, but:

1. It is acceptable in our culture for a man to spend his evenings in the strip club or in the pub
2. It is acceptable for him to have a side affair with some other strange lady
3. His mistress has no legal rights, and yet he gets to use her
4. This form of cheating causes social and cultural problems
5. This type of relationship spreads diseases, whereas a man with more than one wife will never spread any sexual diseases
6. If his second wife was actually his 'girlfriend', then it is okay
7. homosexuality is considered okay

Therefore, do not look to the people for what is right and what is wrong. Look to Allah (سبحانه وتعال), for the people will confuse you, and they themselves are confused. This also shows us that democracy is also flawed, because people will vote together on misguidance and follow their desires.

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Sincerity and Conformity

For any action to be accepted by Allah (سبحانه وتعال), it has to meet two requirements: sincerity and conformity.

Sincerity means that the action must be done purely to earn the pleasure of Allah, and not for other reasons (such as "because it's cool" or "because my friends are doing it" or "so the community will love me").

Conformity means that the action must be done in conformity with Shari'ah, the Qur'an and the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allah (صلي الله عليه وسلم). Anything outside of this is invalid (and most likely involves falling into haram).

What are some examples of different types of actions that fall into these categories?

Insincerity with Non-Conformity: This is the example of someone who is totally on the wrong track and away from Islam. If someone said "I know keeping my girlfriend/boyfriend is haram but I'm going to do it to give them da'wa", this is an example of insincerity and non-conformity. The person isn't really doing it for the sake of Allah--it's just a weak excuse to justify and perpetuate their existing lifestyle and gratify their desires.

Sincerity with Non-Conformity: This is the example of a sincere person who falls into messed-up actions. For example, many masjids are started by honest, sincere people--who end up taking interest loans, paying riba, and going to war with Allah. Many deviant Muslims also fall into this category--such as those who innovate new acts of worship because they love the Messenger of Allah (صلي الله عليه وسلم), or the Khawarij, who prayed, fasted, recited Qur'an in a way that was suprior to the sahaba, but then, they killed many sahaba.

Insincerity with Conformity: This is perhaps the most dangerous combination, because it often leads to riyaa--or worse, nifaaq, which can exit a person from Islam. Riyaa is the example of the first three people to enter Hellfire--because they did it so the people would call them great--or the Islamic worker who is involved in virtually every project--but who, deep down, only does it so that the people will love them. Nifaaq is explained here.

Sincerity with Conformity: This is the best of categories, for the one who strives sincerely for the sake of Allah alone--for no reward other then the reward of Allah (سبحانه وتعال)--and follows those actions within the bounds of the Qur'an and the Sunnah. The example of this is someone who prays alone in the deep darkness of the night, or gives anonymous charity, when nobody can see them or know of their actions except Allah (سبحانه وتعال), the All-Seeing, the All-Knowing. And Allah says in the Qur'an:

Translation: Their sides forsake their beds, to invoke their Lord in fear and hope, and they spend (charity in Allah's Cause) out of what We have bestowed on them. No person knows what is kept hidden for them of joy as a reward for what they used to do. [Surah Sajdah, 32:16-17]

So work inshaAllah to make sure all your actions are sincere and conform, and reap the rewards in the akhira! And if you're interested in learning how all your actions can qualify to being accepted by Allah (سبحانه وتعال) (with a sincere intention of pleasing Him), read up on ‘Ibadah, Natural Actions, Religious Actions.

Muhammad Alshareef. Lecture. AlMaghrib. Code of Scholars. University of Toronto, Toronto. August 2005.

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The Path of Goodness

Allah (سبحانه وتعال) says in the Qur'an:

Translation: "So for him who gives in charity, fears Allah, and testifies to goodness, We shall facilitate for him the Path of good. As for him who is stingy and considers himself independent of Allah and rejects the goodness, We shall facilitate for him the Path to evil. What benefit will he get from his wealth, if he himself is doomed. Surely, it is for Us to give guidance, and surely, to Us belong the end and the beginning." [92: 5-13]

These aren't the words of any man--rather, these are the words of YOUR Creator, YOUR Rabb. Take heed, because we all will be accountable on the day in which there will be no shade except for The Shade of Allah (سبحانه وتعال).

Regret on That Day for not taking heed in this life will be greatly undesirable.

Allah (سبحانه وتعال) clearly states in the Qur'an:

Translation: Every soul shall taste death. And only on the Day of Resurrection, you shall be paid your wages in full. And whoever is removed away from the Fire and admitted to Paradise, he indeed is successful. The life of this world is only the enjoyment of deception (a deceiving thing). [Surah Al-Imraan, 3:185]

Are we any different? Do we think we will not die and meet our Lord? May Allah (سبحانه وتعال) out of His Mercy guide us towards the Straight Path and enter us into highest levels of Jannah, ameen!

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The Calling Ya

Arabic has something called the "calling ya" in it. The closest thing we have in English is the "calling o"--as in "o my teacher" or "Oh God!" (As you can tell from the examples, we don't use it much anymore these days--though, in Arabic, it's quite common.)

The rules are quite simple--just like English, it's "O so-and-so". So for example, you could say "ya ummiy" (o my mother) or "ya taajiru" (o merchant). And, in fact, if you read the Qur'an at all, you'll find these everywhere. The most common are:

• Ya ayyuhalldhiyna amanuw, which addresses the believers (Muslims).
• Ya ayyuhan-naas, which addresses humankind.
• Ya bani israeel, which addresses Bani Isareel (the Jews).

Grammatically, what does the calling ya do? The callee (the one who immediately succeeds the ya) takes either a single dumma (if it's a proper noun) or a single fatha (if it's the posesser in a possessive-case). (Definite nouns are names.)

So if you wanted to say "Oh Allah", it would be "ya Allahu" (because it's a proper noun), not "ya Allahun." Or, if your friend is Yasin, you would say "ya Yasinu" instead of "ya Yasinun".

But, what if you wanted to say "O mother of Adam"? It would be "ya umma Adam" (because it's possessive case). Similarly, if you wanted to say "O Messenger of Allah" (as we see in many ahadith), it's "ya rasulallah".

Interested in some applications of the calling ya? Check out the related entries inshallah.

Related Posts: Amplify your Du'a with Tawassul

Note: You can put your mouse over any underlined text to see the Arabic.

Allahu: God (singular, exclusive; THE God)
amanuw: believed (male, plural)
an-naas: humankind
banu: tribe
taajirun: merchant
ummun: mother
ummiy: my mother

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The Perfect Investment

We go through our entire lives looking for that perfect investment; whether it be our education, our jobs or our wealth. We put in so much time to gather information and to make sure that our investment will yield a satisfying return. In the end though, there is no certainty of the return on investment that we will gain, it could be 5%, 10%, or even -10%. We never know whether we will gain or lose from the investment that we make.

However, there is an alternative. The alternative is investing in the deen of Allah (سبحانه وتعال). In this investment, you will never lose, and that is the promise of Allah (سبحانه وتعال). As we all know, Allah (سبحانه وتعال) is the one who never breaks any promise and He is The One and Only that we can count on. So, when He (سبحانه وتعال) promises something, you can consider it a done deal.

Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times? It is Allah that gives (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return. - [Surah Baqarah, 2:245]

• Perfect Happiness Doesn’t Exist
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60 Ways to Keep Your Husband’s Love

1. Behave like a female, i.e. all the tenderness of a female--a man doesn’t want a man for his wife!
2. Dress pleasantly/attractively. If you are a home-maker, don’t stay in your sleeping suit all day.
3. Smell good!
4. Don’t lay out all your problems on your husband as soon as he walks in. Give him a little mental break.
5. Don’t keep asking him, “what are you thinking?”
6. Stop nagging non-stop before Allah ta’ala gives you something really to complain about.
7. Absolutely no talking about your spousal problems to anyone you meet, not even under the pretense of seeking help! If you think you want to solve legitimate marital issues, then go seek counseling with the right person who can give advice in either:
1. Mediate any injustice done so any wrong can be corrected and the couple can reunite in harmony, or
2. Amicable divorce
8. Be kind to your mother-in-law the same way you would like your husband to be kind to your own mother.
9. Learn all the rights and obligations of each other in Islam. Focus on fulfilling your obligations, not demanding your rights
10. Race to the door when he comes home, as if you were waiting for him. Smile and hug him.
11. Keep your house clean, at least to the level that he wants it.
12. Compliment him on the things you know he’s not so confident about (looks, intelligence, etc.) This will build his self-esteem.
13. Tell him he’s the best husband ever.
14. Call his family often.
15. Give him a simple task to do at home and then thank him when he does it. This will encourage him to do more.
16. When he’s talking about something boring, listen and nod your head. Even ask questions to make it seem like you’re interested.
17. Encourage him to do good deeds.
18. If he’s in a bad mood, give him some space. He’ll get over it, inshaAllah.
19. Thank him sincerely for providing you with food and shelter. It’s a big deal.
20. If he’s angry with you and starts yelling, let him yell it out while you’re quiet. You will see your fight will end a lot faster. Then when he’s calm, you can tell him your side of the story and how you want him to change something.
21. When you’re mad at him, don’t say “YOU make me furious”, rather, “This action makes me upset”. Direct your anger to the action and circumstance rather than at him.
22. Remember that your husband has feelings, so take them into consideration.
23. Let him chill with his friends without guilt, especially if they’re good guys. Encourage him to go out, so he doesn’t feel “cooped up” at home.
24. If your husband is annoyed over a little thing you do (and you can control it), then stop doing it. Really.
25. Learn how to tell him what you expect without him having to guess all the time. Learn to communicate your feelings.
26. Don’t get mad over small things. It’s not worth it.
27. Make jokes. If you’re not naturally funny, go on the internet and read some jokes, and then tell them to him.
28. Tell him you’re the best wife ever and compliment yourself on certain things you know you’re good at.
29. Learn to make his favorite dish.
30. Don’t ever, EVER talk bad about him with friends or family unnecessarily. If they end up agreeing with you, you will see that it hits you back in the face because you get more depressed that you have a bad husband--and other people also think you have a bad husband.
31. Use your time wisely and get things accomplished. If you’re a home-maker, take online classes and get active in your community. This will make you happy and a secondary bonus is that it impresses your husband.
32. Do all of the above fee sabeelillah and you will see Allah put barakah in everything you do.
33. Husband and wife should discuss and communicate with wisdom with each other to convey what they like and dislike of each other to do or not to do. Do NOT give commands or instructions like he's your servant. “They are garment to each other” [Surah Baqarah, 2:187]
34. Tell your husband you love him, many, many times. Aisha (رضالله عنها) narrated that the Prophet (صلي الله عليه وسلم) used to ask her how strong her love for him, she said like “a knot.” And the next time he would ask her, “How is that knot?” He also used to reply to her saying, “Jazzakillah, O Aishah, wallahi, you have not rejoiced in me as I have rejoiced in you.”
35. Have a race with your husband and let him win, even if you are much fitter and stronger than him.
36. Keep fit and take care of your health so you will remain a strong mother, wife, cook and housekeeper, inshaAllah you will not get FAT and frumpy.
37. Refine and cultivate good mannerisms i.e do not whine, don’t laugh or talk too loud or walk like an elephant.
38. Do not leave the house without his permission and certainly not without his knowledge.
39. Make sure all his clothes are clean and pressed so he is always looking fresh and crisp.
40. Don’t discuss important/controversial matters with him when he is tired or sleepy. Find right time for right discussion.
41. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.
42. Always let him know that you appreciate him working and bringing home the "dough". It makes it easier for him to go to work.
43. Make sure you ALWAYS have something for dinner.
44. Brush your hair, everyday.
45. Don’t forget to do laundry.
46. Surprise him with gifts. Even necessities, such as new shoes, can be gifts.
47. Listen to him. (Even when he talks about extremely boring things like basketball or computers.)
48. Try (hard as it might be) to take interest in his hobbies.
49. Try not to go shopping too much ... and spend all his money.
50. Look attractive and be seductive towards him. Flirt with him.
51. Learn tricks and “techniques” to please your husband in intimacy. (Of course goes both ways.)
52. Prepare for special evenings with him with special dinner and exclusive time (no children permitted).
53. Take care of your skin, especially your face. The face is center of attraction.
54. If you not satisfied intimately, talk to him and tell him. Help him or provide resources, don’t wait until matters become worse.
55. Ask Allah to strengthen and preserve the bonds of compassion and love between the two of you, every day, every prayer. Ask him to protect that bond from Shaytaan. When a lesser devil destroys the love between spouses, he is the most beloved of Shaytaan. Nothing works like du’ah, and love only exists between spouses where Allah instills it.
56. Don't EVER compare your husbands to other husbands! For example don't say, "well her husband doesn't do that, why do you ..." (thats a killer!)
57. Be happy with what you have because no one is perfect. If you want perfection, wait until you enter Jannah together inshaAllah--and of course, vice versa!
58. Strive for Allah's love first and foremost! if all wives try to seek Allah's love and pleasure, surely, they can keep their husbands love too. And remember--if Allah loves you, the angels will love you, and the entire creation will love you.
59. If you pack a lunch for your husband to take to work, from time to time sneak in a little love note or sweet poem. If he doesn't take a lunch, leave the note somewhere else for him to find, like in his briefcase, or wallet or on the car steering-wheel
60. Wake him up for Qiyam ul-Layl (in the last third of the night) and ask him to pray with you.

May Allah preserve all of our marriages and help us understand and implement them in and with the best of manners, ameen! InshaAllah if you know more ways, post them in the comments and share the benefit.

(For brothers, check out 60 Ways To Keep Your Wife's Love, and the romance alive! by shaykh Ahmed Shehab)

Source (and more tips): Ways to Keep Your Husband's Love - AlMaghrib Forums

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